


you only need the light when it's burning low

by MercuryWilliamson (MementoMoriPontifexMortis)



Series: Keep Your Eyes Open [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Brainwashing, Canon Typical Violence, Child Soldiers, Forced Mind Control, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mild Language, Mind Fuckage, Mind Rape, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Red Room, Tagging as I go, winter soldier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-10 01:29:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1153154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MementoMoriPontifexMortis/pseuds/MercuryWilliamson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been three years since they've been partners, running from the law, and SHIELD. Now, Clint and Natasha has to deal with the fact that sometimes the past doesn't stay buried and what you don't know, can kill you. When the Red Room comes for Natasha, she has to determine if she truly wants to be saved and if the past three years have meant anything to her. </p>
<p>(alternately: When the Red Room comes for Natasha, she's forced to learn that even the best things can come to an end, and she isn't as strong as she thought she was.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. looking towards the future but my eyesight is going back

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TinyTeddy878](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyTeddy878/gifts).



~*~  
Chapter One: looking towards the future but my eyesight is going back  
~*~ 

Natasha jumped, feet hitting the ground and her body rolling into itself if only to protect. She hears Clint on the other end of their comm unit but she ignores him to keep going after the mark. They've been trying to get this man, Richard Guidance, and she's almost go him in her sights when two more goons come out from the wood works. Sighing, Natasha gets ready in her fighting stance only to have an arrow pierce them both. She looks up and gives a salute, something that Clint taught her in the years they been together. It's their sign for 'I'm fine'. 

Clint follows, running the same path but up top. He doesn't falter as he jumps and Natasha feels a moment of pride surging through her, that's her partner; the best at what he does. She's been teaching him some things that the others who have worked with him neglected; simple things that she remembers from the Red Room. 

“Clint?” She inquires through the link, “I was wondering if you wish to take me out for dinner after this.” 

Clint laughs that laugh that she lo- likes and then he's saying, “Post mission meals have been a staple for the last three years, and this year isn't going to change.” Which is good because Natasha has a bad feeling that something bad is going to happen but Clint reassures her that nothing bad is going to happen because he sees everything. 

“Hey, Tasha!” Clint jumps from his rooftop advantage right on top of the mark, or well close enough for Natasha to call it right on top of. “Spell 'idiotic asshole who didn't do it right'.” He snarks as Mr. Guidance begins to struggle against his foot on top of him. 

“R-i-c-h-a-r-d.” She begins watching as Clint laughs again and she laughs with him this time.

“That's right!” Clint gives her a beaming smile before bending low to speak to the mark, “So, wanna tell us why you won't do what AIM wants?” 

“T-they're evil!” Guidance yells, trying to struggle but Clint's got him in a tight enough hold. Natasha leans forward, to look him in the eye. 

“So are we.” 

~*~ 

Natasha cleans the knife that Clint gave her two weeks ago for her 17th birthday, it was just something efficient from their job in Croatia but she cherishes it. There's two other knives set down nearby, they are gifts that Clint has given her for each of her birthdays with him and some more added for ones that he missed, or at least that's what he says every time she asks about it. 

Clint is behind her, two feet checking in with the guy who set out the hit for Richard Guidance when he comes close by and leans near her. Natasha, being the girl that she is, pushes his stomach away from her face and is delighted internally when instead of malnutrition she gets firming abs. He's not going to be winning any sort of awards but then again, he's a 16 year old assassin, so she assumes he doesn't need awards. He reaches for the grapes that she sets on the table when she cleans her weapons; it's the one thing the Room did not give her, her love of grapes. 

“So payment?” Clint asks in the phone and Natasha smirks at the tone she's taught him. It's light but rough and to the point. 

Clint nods at something the other guy says and then says, “Okay, well, we will see you there.” The cellphone clicks close and then he's placing it on the table. “So we've got a meeting with the dick that ordered the hit.” 

Natasha makes a noncommittal answer, this is a first, usually they don't meet up with the person that orders the hit; just the people who gives them the information. If this is how it goes though, then she'll go in with her guns shinning in the dark just in case anyone tries anything. Because in the years they've been partners, people have tried things and it makes her angry.

Don't they get that they are the best and everyone pales in comparison so they need to _back off_ before she gets angry enough to severely damage their chances of getting hired. 

“No shooting this one.” Clint warns, a light tone teasing her over their last meeting. It was not her fault and she tells Clint this who laughs. “You shot the lady in the arm!” 

Natasha shrugs, “She was attempting to grab you.” 

“She touched my arm.” And again, Natasha shrugs because it's all the same to her and she'd like it if people would just get that she doesn't want people touching her partner. 

_it's making you weak_ some part of her brain thinks and she wills it away because Clint is **not** making her weak. 

“Let's go.” Natasha says, getting up and hiding her weapons on her body, knowing Clint would be doing the same thing with the dagger she bought him for his 16th birthday. She also bought him two guns and began training with different languages. 

Clint nods his head towards the door, hooking his bow across his back before adding the quiver on top. He normally doesn't do this, Clint tells Natasha over and over again that it's uncomfortable and hard to draw quickly but right now since they aren't going into a fight, he feels he has to. Her questions of why don't he leave his bow at their safe house is met with a lift of his eyebrow and a scoff. 

~*~ 

Mr. Guidance's hit was set out by the man in front of them, Miguel No-Name who made Natasha's lips curl at how close he kept getting to them. Almost three times has Clint had to grab her hand before they went to her knives and four times she had to stop Clint from saying something not so nice to their host but if he smirked at them one more time, she was going to let Clint say those things before she – 

An explosion rocks the floor, causing Natasha a moment of imbalanced before she's got her weapons out. Clint's less than a step behind her with his bow, eyes flashing dangerous as he turns towards Miguel who hasn't done anything but smirk more. “What did you do?” Clint asks, arrow pointing right at the man's eyeball. 

“Nothing.” Miguel puts his hands together and makes a sign that Natasha is positive that she's seen before but she can't make it out as something rolls into the room and Clint's releasing his arrow and grabbing her to hide behind the desk. They wait for an explosion but it never comes, instead they see some kind of green gas and Natasha has less than a second to make an 'oh fuck' look before she's dozing off. 

“Sleeping gas.” She slurs, voice heavy with sleep. Looking over at Clint she's notices that he's covered his face with the lower half of his shirt and she can see the clean skin of his tummy. Natasha thinks it looks comfortable and begins to lower her head down to her lap when she hears a thunk that is the door being kicked open. 

“Tasha...” Clint murmurs, “Whatever this is, I'll protect you.” She feels his hand thread through her hair before she's out cold. 

Clint looks up as he hears people circling around the desk. He's not going to give up without a fight so he readies his bow the best he can, making sure to point upwards, and lets loose an arrow the minute he sees a person. It meets it's target and then another arrow is released and another before the desk is being moved from the behind and Clint feels himself fall backwards. 

“Isn't this cute.” A man asks sarcastically, coming closer to him and Nat and Clint digs the dagger that's always hidden up his sleeve into he man's neck the minute he bends over him. Clint readies himself the best he can, making sure to cover Natasha so they can't grab her and try to use her against him, but the air in the room is thick with the green gas and Clint can feel his body shutting down. Though he pushes himself, he's not going to let anyone grab them. 

“Stop fighting!” He hears someone says from behind him and Clint lashes out, throwing the dagger at the throat of the person, only for it to be grabbed out of the air. “You think that trick can fool me?” 

Clint's eyes widen, he's no Swordsman but he can throw knives with the best of them and for someone to grab one of his out of the air... well now that's not normal. “Wh- who are you?” He manages to ask, licking his lips way too much. 

“We are the Red Room and we are here for our operative.” 

~*~ 

When Clint wakes up it's not anywhere he knows, it's not even anywhere near Natasha which causes Clint to think that he's made her up and she's not real but then he thinks about what happened last and the feel of Natasha laying on him is enough to make him realise that they've been kidnapped. Which sucks. 

“Tasha?” He asks, the room is dark enough for him not to have seen her. “Tasha!” 

“Her name is Natalia Romanova.” A voice – the same voice that caught his arrow back at Miguel's old office – says with venom. Clint turns and squints to stare at the side across from the bed he's strapped down in. 

“Her name is Natasha Romanov.” Clint corrects tightly, he's knows about Natalia and knows that that is not his partner. Not anymore. 

“Her name is Natalia Romanova, she is a Red Room spy and she went rogue.” The man speaks as if he was talking to a child. “She is to be reprogrammed.” 

“Don't you dare.” Clint interrupts, “Don't you dare ruin her!” 

“We are fixing --” 

“You are destroying her!” Clint yells, “Leave my partner alone!” He struggles against the hold of the braces and groans as they bite into his skin. 

“You are not getting out of those.” The man says, “They are designed to hold much stronger people than you.”

Clint laughs, “If they are, then why are you using them on little old me?” 

The man ignores him looking down at some files instead, looking ready to ask more questions. Possibly about Natasha but Clint isn't going to answer any of those because Natasha told him her secrets in the dark and Clint did the same, citing that secrets told in the dark are secrets never told. The man opens his mouth and Clint readies himself to tune out the stranger. 

“Do you want to be trained to be stronger?” Is the question that he asks, looking over at Clint. 

Clint furrows his eyebrows, “What?” 

“Do you want to be stronger?” A simple pause, “We can train you like we train our girls, you seem to have many of their attributes so it would not be that hard.” 

“I'm not going to be some trained seductress for some asinine room.” Clint answers sharply, as if he would. 

The man chuckles, “I'll tell the doctors you said yes anyway and we can begin your training. If you are as bright as Natalia says then we can have you on her level in no time.” 

“Natasha said nothing about me.” Clint speaks, “And I'm not agreeing.” 

“You should feel honoured, as Natalia has told you, we definitely don't train boys like girls but if you are a success than we might rethink it.” He continues as if he hasn't heard Clint, “Clinton, I feel as if you will be a bright member of our team.” 

Clint bangs his head against the bed as the man leaves, he needs to think of a way to get out of here. Then he can find Natasha and they can get the fuck out of dodge. _if you don't get caught and die_ a traitorous part of his mind says. 

“We're not going to die. I refuse.” Clint mutters out loud. 

~*~ 

Natasha bit her lip, the room she was in felt as cold as glass on her bare feet. They had stripped her of any clothing and left her in patient wear; a baggy shirt and a pair of loose sweatpants. Her old teacher stood in the room with her, watching her with eyes that scared her. She betrayed this organization and now they want her back? No, it didn't make sense. 

“What do you want?” Natasha asks again, not letting any of the fear creep into her voice. “Why am I here?” 

“Natalia.” The man begins and Natasha forces back a wince, “You are here because you were one of our best operatives. We are willing to forgive you and bring you back.” 

“I don't want that.” Natasha admits, “I don't want to be back.” 

The man offers a smile, a cruel one but a smile nonetheless, “I am afraid you don't have that option.” 

“What happens Clint Barton?” She asks instead of telling him he can go to hell. “What happens to Hawkeye?” 

“That boy is Hawkeye?” Her teacher asks, a smile appearing on his face. “Really now.” 

“Yes.” She says, not wanting to admit that he's her partner. Just because you worked together on a mission or two didn't mean they knew that they were – 

“And how did you become partners with Hawkeye?” 

“We are not partners.” Natasha scoffs, “I do not partner up.” 

Her teacher looks through the files he brought in with him, going through them making little 'hm' and 'uh-huh' noises and it makes Natasha want to grab the folders and look through them herself. She's not filled with patience, not anymore (and if she was truthful to herself, she'd realise that she was never patient, she just can hide her impatience better than most). 

“Your files says differently.” Is said before he starts listing all the missions that her and Clint has taken, all the kills they've made. 56 together and out of those 56 she's only taken down 3 alone. How is that not partnering up? 

“Your intel is wrong.” She tries because she knows what he's going to do, he's going to reprogram her and she doesn't want to be reprogrammed. 

“I don't think so.” Her teacher coughs, “I have you being reprogrammed starting today.” 

“What is going to happen to Clint Barton.” She asks once more, ignoring the feeling of her stomach cramping up on herself. 

“Clint Barton is going to become part of the programme.” 

Those words works their way through her brain. Her worse fear is coming to life. They can't train Clint like her, they can't! “No.” She murmurs. 

“What was that?” 

“You can't.” She looks up, her eyes frenzied, “You can't train him like you train us!” 

Her teacher stands his full height, easily towering over her. He knows all her moves so that won't work she thinks as she tries to plan her attack. “And why can't we?” 

“He's not like us.” She speaks low and deadly, “He's too smart to be one of your dumb security guards.” 

“That --”

Natasha cuts him off, “You can't break him! You cannot destroy him!” 

“Natalia you are getting too emotional.” Her teacher says, “This is why you are being reprogrammed, you are obviously compromised and it's better this way.” 

“No.” She's not compromised, she's not anything. They are the ones in the wrong. She thinks these thoughts over and over again as her teacher calls orderlies into the room and tells them to inject her with something. Natasha struggles, heavily, managing to kick someone back into a wall and stab someone in the leg with the knife from someone's thigh before she's feeling the full force of the needle in her arm. 

“I will be free.” She murmurs as the dark takes her over again. 

~*~ 

When she comes to, Natasha is back in her room with no memory besides a failed mission with Ms. Red. Her programme leader is standing at the end of her bed. “Natalia?” Ms. Red asks, tilting her head, “You are awake?” 

“Yes.” She says simply, “What happened?” 

Ms. Red gives a gentle smile, one that Natasha has seen when she saw other girls fail their missions, “It was a set up.” She says, “The brutes tried to kill both me and you.” 

Natasha tilts her head in understanding, “I will try better next time.”

Ms. Red lets loose a laugh, “Oh, Natalia you took them down with ease.” Really? She did? She didn't remember fighting anyone. 

“There was this guy and he tossed you out the second storey window, you almost didn't make it.” Ms. Red admits when Natasha says she doesn't remember anything. “It's going to be okay, though, we have our best working with you.” 

Natasha nods, “When do I start training again?” She asks, because she doesn't like sitting down for long. 

“You join the group later today.” Ms. Red says, “If you feel up to it.” 

That is a test. Operatives that don't feel up to it, aren't cut out for mission work and if you aren't cut out for mission work then you aren't cut out for the Room. “I am ready.” 

Ms. Red nods and leaves the room with the order to get dressed and go down to the cafeteria to eat before the late class begins in 30 minutes. Natasha does exactly that. Dresses in her Red Room outfit; a red shirt and black pants before heading down to the dinning hall to eat quickly before the bell. No one talks in the cafeteria as it's a good way to show who you are closest to and get you sent out on a mission where you have to kill them but the girls do sit with the people they share space with and the boys all sit together at one table. 

Natasha feels weird when she nods to the boys, as she always does, and she doesn't know why there's a feeling of dread in her stomach when she counts the same amount that she has for the past two weeks. They had lost Dmitri four weeks ago to a botched Serbian mission and apparently never found a replacement like they said they would. 

She eats the food set in front of her by one of the kitchen workers and as per her habit, she takes out on of the poison detecting strips from her pocket and checks the food. She knows that the kitchen staff would never but only fools get pulled into a sense of security and Natasha is not a fool. 

“Red Room class B.” The overhead speaker calls out, as she's finishing up her meal. She gets up to go as she hears what room they will be going in, “Meet in room 5B.” 

Ahh, so they plan on having the girls show off their seductress lessons. Natasha remembers most of her previous lessons have been nothing but successes, Ms. Red had said so herself every time she watched them teach her something. She also said that Natasha had caught onto things like English and Math so easily that it was just perfect of the best Red Room spy. 

“Natalia?” One of the younger girls ask, tugging on Natasha sleeves. 

Tatiana is three years younger than Natasha, the same age as Natasha had been when she was taken on that failure of a mission for AIM. The weapons group wanted to see if Natasha could win a spot in their permanent group of assassins, instead she had lost to some boy that she couldn't quite recall. Ms. Red had said nothing but the weapons manufactures would be sorry for not choosing Natasha instead. 

“Yes, Tatiana?” She says looking down, “What is it?” 

“Does it hurt?” Tatiana questions looking down which makes it easy to guess what 'it' is. 

Natasha tries to think back on her first time but finds she can't fully recall it so she lies, “No, it does not.” 

Tatiana doesn't detect the lie and nods, she's too young to want to believe anything else and Natasha watches as the girl go up to the front of the group which houses her age group. They are probably there to watch as that's what Natasha did before she formally started her seduction lessons. 

“Today,” Mr. Green begins, “We are going to have Operatives Black Widow and Aleksander show you how a mission goes.” 

Aleksander, one of the boys she was most comfortable with, walks up to the front of the room, waiting for her. Natasha climbs the stairs of the platform easily, nods her head to Aleksander before turning to face the room and wait for the rest of her orders. 

Mr. Green says, “Natalia, Aleksander is the enemy, show the group how you would get him to talk about the weapons his group is transporting.” Turning towards Aleksander, “Alek, you are a weapons manufacturer, your group is transporting your nuclear items across the border and towards the Americas, you are to keep from telling this random girl all your plans.” 

Natasha smirks, she can do this, even if Aleksander is the second best of the group. She knows exactly what buttons to press with him. 

Aleksander starts off with offering her a drink in his office, Natasha nods her eyelids heavy with concealed lust. Aleksander swallows ever so slightly before walking behind her to the other side of the platform, she stops at the bar stools there and waits as Aleksander goes around the back of the bar before she speaks. 

“You seem quite different,” She says, letting that barely concealed lust take forefront in her voice, “then most the men I meet.”

Alek laughs, “Is that a good thing?” And Natasha has to hide her own swallow because she doesn't remember Aleksander's voice being so deep. 

He hands her a martini and Natasha brings the olive up to her lips, “That depends,” She places the olive right on her full lips before placing it on her tongue and swallowing them both down,“if you want it to be a good thing?” He gives her bedroom eyes and Natasha almost purrs in enjoyment as she jumps up on the bar and leans in close to him. 

~*~  
End of Chapter One  
~*~


	2. your chains will never fall until you do

~*~  
Chapter Two: your chains will never fall until you do  
~*~ 

Clint falls to the ground, breathing heavily before forcing his body up and to a nearby tree. He's refusing to do what the instructor want him to do because honestly, killing his roommate is not something that will prove anything. Then again, neither is getting killed by his roommate. This is the final training procedure that the instructors have for him, then he can go interact with other trainees that aren't the useless batch he came in with.

“Clinton.” Ms. Red says over the overhead speakers, “Finish the job.” 

Clint resists the urge to roll his eyes, of course he planned to finish the job! He was just waiting for the right time. His roommate, a young brown haired kid two years younger than him, ran pass the tree he was hidden in and Clint took the chance to jump out and surprise the other teen before throwing a knife into his chest. Clint watches as the kid fell with a look of shock and betrayal on his face, mouth open in a silent cry. Clint waits as he hears Ms. Red tell him good job and to stay there while the Doctors come over. Doctor Wednesday is the only psychologist on call for this branch of the Room and she looks at him with cold detached eyes before asking him, “How did you feel?” 

Clint doesn't even tilt his head, just says, “Feel?” as if it's a foreign word he's never heard of. And it kind of is, he hasn't heard that word for a long time. 

“Yes, Clinton, how did watching Andre die feel? How did knowing you were the one that took his life feel?” She asks. 

Clint shrugs, “Nothing.” He answers, “Was I supposed to?” 

Doctor Wednesday doesn't let anything show on her face but her eyes are extremely happy and Clint resists the urge to tell her that she's letting expression show. “It's a success.” He hears her say to the programme leader, “He's as good as any of our girls, and he's taken out our first batch of boys. He's good enough to go to the main group.” 

Ms. Red nods, “Tonight we will introduce him to the girls.” She says. 

Clint doesn't understand what they mean. What girls? What main group? Were they the same thing? Still, if it meant not being forced to spend time with useless people then he doesn't mind. Ms. Red bends down in front of him, “I want you to bathe then change into Red Room clothing, I will be introducing you to another group we train on our main base. They are not like your old batch, they are advance and girls.” 

“Yes, ma'am.” Clint says, before he turns and makes his way down the long hallway. He's giddy, he's heard things about a stronger person on a different base from the trainer but to actually get to be able to meet this person! – he might jump in joy. 

“Clinton.” His trainer's voice says and Clint straightens up and turns on his heel. 

“Yes sir?” He asks, and his trainer looks down at him. 

“In less than 40 minutes you will be riding down to the main base, I will be joining you and Ms. Red on your trip. When we arrive, you will be introduced and then tomorrow, we will being to train down there. I expect you to stay ahead of the group like you did here, regardless of your new groups gender. Just because they are girls, does not mean you can not fight them just as you did here.” His trainer pauses, “You will also be be getting a better teacher as your seduction instructor. I know you have done well under the teachings of Ms. Orange but Mr. Green will be better.” 

Clint nods his head in understanding. He gets all this, they were informed this yesterday right before they were told that they'd be fighting to the death with each other. After that they were all put in separate rooms to prepare. Eventually though, it didn't matter as it proved that Clint was better than them, and he won. 

“Now, go get ready.” Clint did so. He had a quick shower, wiped the blood of his companions off of his lightly tanned skin and washed his hair free from the smell of a smokey basement before he got out and put on the Red Room approved operative clothing, a black short sleeve shirt and a pair of black pants, loose enough for him to fight in them but tight enough that they didn't look too baggy on him. He waits in his room, thinking over everything that he remembers from the last few months. 

Clint doesn't remember much besides being found by their main operative, the Winter Soldier and brought back. They had determined that Clint would be taught with this group as an experiment and apparently, he had proven as good results because now he was headed to the main base. 

“Clinton,” Ms. Red pokes her head in, “We're ready.” 

He does what every respectful operative does and nods before getting up, he makes sure that his old bed is made up perfectly before leaving the room without a second glance. 

~*~ 

Natasha blinks as she makes her way back to the cafeteria even though dinner was half an hour ago for no reason told and she knows other girls are thinking the same thing. No one voices it though, too dangerous, but it's there written on their faces; their confusion. If they were out in the field, Natasha thinks, they would be dead. 

Ms. Red walks in, the Winter Soldier following her and a boy following them both. Is he the replacement for Dmitri? Ms. Red orders them to sit and they do before she begins to speak, “Red Room, meet your new comrade, Operative Hawk. A few months ago we began planning to alter training programs. Operative Hawk is the first of this brand new programme. You will all welcome him into this programme.” She waits for nods from the crowd before finishing, “Everyone will report to the main training room at 0900 tomorrow morning. You are dismissed.” 

Operative Hawk stands there, still as a stone before Ms. Red directs him to the rooms for those who's finished at least three mission, Natasha notes. “Hm.” 

Natasha follows them because her room is not that far and she pays attention to how Operative Hawk takes in everything around him before she feels a weird clenching feeling in her abdomen. Somewhere in the back of her mind she imagined hearing pounding and yelling. Her warning senses were going off at seeing him. 

“Natalia?” Ms. Red says, turning to face her after Operative Hawk was safely in his room. “What are you thinking?” 

Natasha frowns, “I am thinking about Operative Hawk.” She answers truthfully, “He seems weird.” 

Ms. Red laughs lightly, the high pitched laugh that Natasha has only heard when Ms. Red mocks a mark, “He is a little weird.” She replies, “But he is differently trained.” 

“Can I spare with him?” Natasha asks, looking up, “I want to see if your best trained from a different programme can beat the best trained from this programme.” 

Ms. Red purses her lips, “Maybe.” She responds, “I will see what I can do.” 

“Thank you.” 

~*~ 

Clint watches the people walking through the hallway, most of them kids like him – orphans with no homes and no family – and thinks that the Red Room is possibly the best thing in the world. He waits for one of his superiors to come and tell him what to do, it's too early to sleep but it's too late to run around and train. 

“Operative Hawk.” the Winter Soldier says, coming into the room. Clint straightens up, and the man continues, “Here you will respond only to that name, not Clint or Barton or Clinton, nod yes if you understand.” Clint does so. “These are the missions you will be taking in two weeks time, read up on them and get yourself ready.” 

“I understand sir,” Clint says then adds, “Thank you.” 

The Winter Soldier nods before leaving and turning left instead of right and Clint wants to get up and follow him because that's Clint's thing. He likes knowing every weakness and every crack in the area he's in but he can't right now, so he decides to just take in the sights of his room. 

“Zdravstvujtye.” (Hello)

Clint looks up into the eyes of a red hair girl. He blinks at her before greeting her the same. “Zdravstvujtye.” (Hello)

“Меня́ зовýт Натáлия.” (I am Natalia)

Natalia. Pretty name, Clint thinks. Though he responds with, “Меня́ зову́т ястреб.” (I am Hawk)

Natalia nods before turning and leaving, “You speak English?” She asks, right at his doorway.

Clint smiles, “Yes.” 

Her eyes widen at him and he sees an emotion flit through them before they narrow and he thinks he's done something wrong but whatever was that emotion he saw is now gone. Natalia's face smooths into a calm look before she says, “Спокойной Ночи.” (Good Night)

Clint lays back on the bed, not as comfortable as the one back in his old room but it'll do for now. The lights turn out in the entire hallway and Clint closes his eyes, falling asleep almost the minute his head met the pillow. 

_He feels a hand on his shoulder and a quiet voice in his ear whispering something to him. The words are things he cannot make out but it feels as though these words are urgent. Clint can feel the lips of the person on his ear before the hand on his shoulder moves away from him. The warm breathe of the person leaves him, an empty feeling in Clint's stomach left behind. Turning quickly, he hopes to catch sight of this mysterious person but there's nothing but a city in front of him. The people merge together, creating a dark sea, ravaging a boat on the waters. Clint opens his mouth to scream but there's a hand over his mouth before any sound can be let out._

silence! _a disembodied voice yells_

Clint jolts up, sweat on his skin as the bells for breakfast rang over the speakers. Clint quickly dresses and makes his way out of the room, slipping in between the other operatives. He sits down at an empty table in the back of the room, waiting for the kitchen staff to give him food all while watching this new group. He wouldn't trust one of them, they all looked too emotional for him. 

Too much like imperfect soldiers. 

If there's anything the Winter Soldier taught him, it was to be the perfect soldier. To not show fear, joy or anything unless it's needed for a mission; which Clint decides to call this whole 'come down to this new base' thing. It's too perfect to not be a mission. 

And Clint will bet everything that he holds, that that girl, Natalia, is the one he's going to take out. She's too good, he thinks, but too flawed. The best of the best, as he heard her say to Ms. Red last night, but she can't be considered the best of the best because she showed him some real emotion last night when he'd spoken to her. 

“Operative Hawk?” Doctor Wednesday asks, sitting down, “I'd like to run some tests on you later. I need you to be in the infirmary in twenty-four minutes exactly.” 

Clint nods, “Yes ma'am.” 

Doctor Wednesday eats her food in peace, Clint doesn't touch any of it, until he makes sure that it's all right. When he's positive that he's not eating poisoned food, he slowly eats a few bites of everything before pushing it away to the side. He doesn't need much to survive. They've made sure of it. While waiting for Doctor Wednesday, Clint looks around, discreetly, at the other kids in the programme. Most of them are girls with varying hair colours but the same pale skin tone that he's seen out of adults here but there are some with olive skin or darker. The boys, the few that litter the programme are blondes or brown haired with lightly tanned skin; they all remind him of what the Winter Soldier does. 

“Are you ready?” Doctor Wednesday asks, getting up slowly. Clint nods, following in her in getting up and leaving. He notices some people looking at him as he follows the resident doctor but their eyes quickly go back to whatever they were doing, besides the eyes of one red head girl, who looks at him from her table filled with no one. Clint looks back at her as he leaves, staring straight into her green eyes until he's in the hallway and alone besides Doctor Wednesday. 

Now he knows she's his mission and like the person they raised him to be, he's going to kill her and then, he's going to leave forever.   
~*~ 

Natasha feels pain every time she looks at the new operative, Hawk, and she doesn't know why. She doesn't get it, he's just another face in the wave of faceless operatives who the Room trains every day but there's something about him that shocks her body into feeling things she's not felt before. She can't even list what feeling it is. She just knows it's something. 

“Natalia?” Ms. Red is standing in front of her table, a file in front of her. “In a few months, you and Operative Hawk will be fighting.” She says handing the file over. 

_Weird, she's acting like this will be a mission._ Natasha thinks, before nodding her consent and opening the folder. “You want me to...?” 

“Yes,” Ms. Red answers, “We want our best to go against him to see if he can survive against her. If he can't then we don't want him.” 

Natasha nods even though her stomach feels like it's doing flips. She's not happy and she doesn't want to but this is a mission; her first mission and she's absolutely willing to do this if only to get back into the good graces of the programme leaders, who she knew was furious with her for her failed mission. 

“That's good.” Ms. Red says, “Be prepared.” 

“What if I lose?” Natasha sees fit to ask this as her life could be on the line. Recently everyone had gotten their shot and the Room would not have not given one to Hawk which meant that he was stronger and faster than a normal human. 

Ms. Red levels her a look, “You die.” 

Of course, that is what happens to any operative who fails. 

_and I can not fail_ Natasha adds, “I will not fail.” To Ms. Red who nods before walking away. Natasha dumps her food the minute she gets up and heads down to the training room, yes, right now was her time off but she couldn't risk not working on more of her moves. The ones she knows can kill a man without him knowing. 

Once in the training room, Natasha strips of her top shirt and makes way to the punching bag, planning to follow through on her normal regime of punching something until she gets an idea. No one pays her any attention and Natasha's glad because normally she's got people's eyes on her, asking her for her advice or something. She doesn't really mind most of the time but some days it becomes too much and Natasha has to run and hide in a place where there is less people. 

There she sits and waits out the loudest sounds and the screaming from the other operatives, there she can find peace with what she is. And what she's done. Because god only knows that she can't think about that normally. Natasha honestly thinks that they screwed up when they taught her because despite the training she can feel the shame from all those lives she took, all the families she's torn apart, and all the blood dripping on her hands. 

“Tasha?” A voice calls out to her, through the silence of the training room. Natasha freezes, before she lifts up her head to see who... who would call that name? Blinking, she sees no one. Not a single person not already ingulfed in their own things. Boys working in one area with the weight lifts, girls on the training mats ready to learn something new and her... all alone in the corner near the back door. Her, hearing voices calling her a name she doesn't respond to – shouldn't respond to _wants to respond to_. 

Shaking her head, Natasha goes back to punching the bag, she's got half a plan on how to take down Hawk but if he's as good as they say he is, then she can't honestly believe that she can. Ms. Red says that Hawk was trained like the girls and the boys here which means he'll understand all her seductress moves, he'll be able to see through whatever she brings up. 

“Nat?” The voice calls out again to her and Natasha ignores it, she's not going to look up, she knows now that she is alone, that there is no one there to call her that name. “I don't want to leave you here alone.” The voice continues as if it's having a conversation with her, when it's not real. It can't be real. 

_“Nat? How bad is it?”_

“It's not that bad Clint,” She mutters under her breathe, “Really.” She adds as she knows he's looking at her like she's crazy, “No matter how bad it feels.” 

_“Heh, it hurts really bad though...”_

Clint exhales near her and Natasha gives a small smile, “I promise Clint, I've cleaned up worse.” Her hands shake though, she's never thought she'd have to dig a bullet out of her partner's back. “It is your fault for being shot.” She says as he clenches his teeth when the cold metal of the pliers touch the burning skin. 

_“Just like you to blame me for this.”_

He laughs and it's music to her ears because if he's laughing than he's not dying and that's really good. “I only place blame where blame shall be put.” She huffs as the bullet comes out with a tough yank. She quickly covers his skin before she's trying to find the surgical glue they bought. She's positive that the bullet missed anything important so putting the skin back together is the best thing she can do. 

“Natalia!” 

Lifting her head Natasha snaps back to reality and looks at Mr. Green, who is staring at her with wide eyes. “Yes?” 

“Please demonstrate to my class what I mean when I say a choke hold.” He says after a minute. Natasha nods and runs over to the dummy, launching herself at its' throat and flipping it to the ground. The class claps before Mr. Green begins to explain the technique, which so far, she's been the only one to perfect it. Natasha stands off to the side, thinking about the look Mr. Green gave her and thinking about her thoughts, finally coming to the conclusion that she was being lied to by someone. 

Sitting through Mr. Green's lesson wasn't that hard, especially since she was not paying much attention, her thoughts more focused on what she had already figured out. Using her brain, Natasha's figures out that it all pertains to the failed mission that happened, and it has something to do with Hawk, just what it all becomes, she doesn't know. 

~*~ 

Clint watches Natalia from the rafters after his psych eval with Doctor Wednesday. Doctor Wednesday says he's the perfect soldier, that he's their best yet but when it comes down to the line, he's unsure about things. Ms. Red says that it'll all be fixed soon enough. 

Which leads him to watching Natalia. 

She's positively the thing that's messing him up. Clint just knows it. So he watches and learns everything he can about her from the day after the psych eval to a few months later where she's taking time to teach some of the younger kids how to throw a proper punch. The younger girls watch her with rapt attention but it's nothing compared to how he's watching her body twist into proper form and how her muscles twitch the minute she releases the pent up anger she holds. Her lips form a small smile before she turns back to the girls and ask if they learn or should she show them again, most of the girls nods and attempts to do as she did, some even get it right but others, well they are new recruits so Clint cannot judge them that bad. 

“Tasha.” He mutters the name that's been on his mind for the last six months. He doesn't know where or who that name belongs to – even though Ms. Red said it belonged to his sister who died but he knows that's not true. He only ever remembers having a brother, not that he can remember that face either. 

“Thank you!” Tatiana, one of the young girls in Clint's seduction classes, squeaks. She's not going to last long as an operative, she's too innocent, Clint can tell just by how she acts in that one class. 

The girls leave Natalia to her punching bag, which she continues to assault for the next ten minutes before she moves over to gymnastics. Her body twists through the air as she jumps and hops and moves about in ways that Clint has never seen before. Given that he doesn't share one class with her, it's understandable. She moves smoothly until she's finishing up her routine and she stumbles, falling to the ground. No one notices except for him when she wipes at her eyes. 

Clint tilts his head, right when she jumps back on the balance beam, he feels something – like the red headed girl down there attempting to go back through her routine to make sure she's got it down pack is somehow familiar. 

Which is impossible, she can't be. 

She definitely can't be. 

“Or can you?” Clint asks the rafters before he swings his body under the nearest rafter and crawls over to a softer place to land, preferably the mats. No one's on the mats so he jumps down and lands in a crouch, hands falling to his side to steady himself. Quickly turning due to feeling eyes on him, Clint narrows his eyes at the red headed girl that he was just watching, she's looking at him with a concentrated look, as if she's trying to figure something out about him. 

Well, good, because he's got the same idea about her. 

Striding over to the balance beam, Clint smiles a warm smile, “Can I join you?” He asks, hands behind his back. 

Natalia thinks about it for a minute, taking in his stance and everything before she nods, “Of course.” 

“Thank you.” Clint says, slipping out of his shoes and moving away from the beam. Natalia jumps down and waves her hand out in a go ahead motion. Clint runs forward, flipping forward onto the beam. He does two more flips before he twists into a back hand spring and then a handstand. Clint finishes with a standing tuck. 

“Not many boys do gymnastics.” Natalia says, keeping her voice steady. 

Clint shrugs, “I'm not many boys.” 

“That you aren't.” She mutters, just under her breathe that Clint has to strain to hear her, “That you aren't.” She gets a look in her eyes before she says just as low, “Stop it Clint, stop it!” 

“Tasha?” He says despite himself. 

Natalia's eyes shoot up to look at him, “What did you call me?” 

“Nothing.” 

“You called me something!” She pulls him over to an area where no one can see them and yanks him close, “What did you say?” 

She looks visible shaken so Clint decides to answer truthfully, “I said 'Tasha'. It's the name of my sister.” Okay, so half truth, sue him, she's the one who knows his real name and isn't being up front about it. 

“My name is Natasha.” She says and Clint wants to leave or kill her, he hasn't decided yet. She can't be Natasha. 

“And my name is Clint.” God damn it, why does he keep saying things. Just leave! His mind yells at him, leave the crazy operative alone! 

But he can't, she's intriguing, and so are the lies that seem to be coming undone. 

Clint's been at the Red Room for at least six months, not counting the training, and since then he's been fed lie after lie and now, he understands why the Winter Soldier and Ms. Red and all of his teachers never wanted him to spend time with Natalia – _Nat, Tasha, Tash, Natty._ his mind supplies him – not because she's crazy but because they share a moment together. 

What moment? Well, that's anyone's guess. 

~*~

Director Fury swears that if it wasn't for the fact that he had no men he wanted to waste on this mission, he'd be back at headquarters, planning out the big ass ship that the council is funding but instead he's in the middle of assfuck no where, Russia and getting colder and colder by the minute. “You find anything?” He asks the two people he chose to go with him on this mission, not that the god damn Director of a secret international security programme should be going out on mission. 

“We found a lot.” His assistant Director says, her eyes angry, “They're being held up in the mountain area and it's as you suspected, Red Room.” 

“God dammit!” He curses everything that ever existed. 

Coulson, his best, coughs, “That's not all boss, we've got intel that the Room has been training both of them for a high profile mission involving us.” 

Fury turns to look at Phil, “You must be fucking me.” 

“No sir.” 

Fury sighs, “Get our men on the line, upgrade security. Anyone that doesn’t have a family they stay on base, anyone who does, doesn't get _on_ base, got it?” Hill jumps into action, using her comm link to connect with headquarters, she explains everything – to the reason why both the Director and Assistant Director had to go on a mission right down to the mission itself. 

“Sir?” Coulson asks, coming to stand next to him, “I don't get why this mission is so important.” 

Funny enough, neither did Fury. He just couldn't let these two assassins go, not without knowing full well what they've done. “They are against the greater good.” he answers instead of the truth. 

“Why does this mission need the Director and Assistant Director?” 

Fury looks at him with his good eye, “Coulson? Shut up.” He says, there's no reason to have both of them, besides the fact that these two assassins could possibly bring down the entire world if they wanted to – or if, like right now, they were in the wrong hands. 

~*~  
End Chapter Two  
~*~


	3. come morning light, you and I will be safe and sound

~*~  
Chapter Three: come morning light, you and I will be safe and sound  
~*~

After that one choice meeting, Natasha barely ever sees her Hawk, – her Clint! He's her Clinton Francis Barton, born in Waverly, Iowa, mother and father died in a car crash, brother works at a circus, mentors died – he's always off on a mission. If Natasha didn't know better, she'd fear that the programme leaders have found out that she and he reconnected and now know everything is a lie. But they don't. They can't. (and truthfully, they don't fully know the truth, they just know that they knew each other and that something fishy's going on). 

“Natalia!” Natasha jumps to stand, Ms. Red strides into the room, “You and operative Hawk will fight tonight.” 

“I did not know that Operative Hawk came back from his mission.” It was a high profile mission, something to do with the current chief of treasury. Natasha didn't know the entire specifics but she did know that it was supposed to be a long mission and he'd only gone off two days ago. 

Ms. Red purses her lips, “He is and he is getting checked up. You and he will fight tonight.” 

Meaning, tonight one of them was expected to kill the other. 

Natasha nods her head, even though her mind was going through the motions to figure out something else. There was no way she was going to kill Clint, not even for her beloved Red Room. No, Clint was much more important, he is her only lifeline. Ms. Red looks her over, taking in her words and her appearance – which makes Natasha straighten up just a little bit more – before nodding and leaving the room. Natasha lets out the breath she didn't know she was holding before grabbing a piece of paper to brainstorm with. 

There had to be something they could do. 

Two hours later with no new thoughts, Natasha gets up from her bed, hell bent on going to the training room when she walks right into Aleksander's fist, despite there being rules to fighting in the hallways. She falls back and catches herself with her hands. Her face burns with pain and shame as she brings her hands up to check if there's any blood. There's not, thankfully, but Aleksander and the person she was fighting with looks at her with shock marring their faces. 

“What?” She asks sharply, “Is there something wrong?” 

The boy Aleksander was fighting with shakes his head no before running off, she probably saved his life. “Are you okay?” Aleksander asks, holding a hand out to help her up. 

“No,” She answers, “I am just planning something and did not know that there was two idiots fighting outside my door.” 

Aleksander at least looks sheepish, “Sorry, Ivan said something about how operative Hawk was going to take my place and I... I guess I lost it.” 

“I can understand.” She says, “He is much better than most everyone here, it would be easy to feel overshadowed by how good he is.” 

The insult flies over Aleksander's head as he nods in agreement with her, “You should go apologise to him, maybe he will do the same?” Natasha suggests, wanting the hallway to herself. 

“Yes, thanks!” Aleksander waves to her and Natasha gets a cold feeling in her stomach. She will probably never see him again, even if she figures out a way for both her and Clint to live, she'll never see anyone from the Red Room any more. What's worse is she doesn't care. Not as long as both she and Clint make it out fine, she doesn't care if she never walks the halls of the place she called home. 

“Is this love?” She asks to herself, “Can this be what it feels like?” 

Natasha ponders this as she walks, aimlessly. What is these emotions she's feeling. 

_“It's called hope dummy!”_ Clint laughed at her, rolling his eyes. _“It's the feeling that death has been held back one more day.”_

But there are other things then hope, she tells him, something more than that. 

_“Happiness?”_ He asked, _“It could be happiness.”_

Gulping, Natasha admits, “I've been feeling something for you. Something more than happiness and hope and care. It's like... affection.” 

Clint looked at her with his sharp eyes, unmoving for a minute before his face cracked out in a grin, which in turn made her smile too. _“Tasha, you are so weird! It's called love.”_

“Love is not an emotion.” She says a little too forceful. 

He shook his head at her, _“It is and it isn't.”_ He pauses before going on, _“You can feel love which makes it an emotion but you can also be in love which makes it not an emotion. It's complicated. That's what love is. Complicated. It's for everyone you come to care for enough that you don't want to die.”_ Clint looks at her before shrugging his shoulders, _“It shouldn't come as a big surprise, we've been together for two years, if you didn't come to love me I'd be more worried.”_

Natasha laughs an emotion filled laugh before shaking her head. Only Clint could make her feel this way. No one else. 

That's why she has to do it. She has to. 

If only for Clint to live. 

~*~ 

Clint pushes down the scream he's been holding for the past two hours. It was supposed to be a mission but being tortured by those who were supposed to be teaching him is not a mission. Definitely not. Doctor Wednesday is whispering to a man that Clint's never seen before while Ms. Red – or whoever the hell she is – is pacing back and forth around the room. 

“You said he was perfect!” She yells towards Doctor Wednesday. 

The good doctor looks sheepish, “He was, until he came face to face with Natalia.” She answers, “Something about her jogged his cognitive memories. It's like seeing her face made him remember their past together.” 

“I don't care!” Ms. Red pouts, “Fix it!” 

“You can't just fix something like this!” Doctor Wednesday yells as Clint arches his back. The doctor looks at him with pity in her eyes, “You need to stop-” 

She falls to the ground after a hand meets her face, “You need to fix this.” Ms. Red says, “If not, then you'll be next to be replaced.” 

“...replaced?” 

Ms. Red's eyes flashes, “Anyone who fails the programme gets replaced, you will be replaced if you cannot fix this.” 

Doctor Wednesday gulps, “I-I'll solve it.” She searches her mind, what can she do to crush down the memories of his relationship with operative Black Widow? “Uh... we can change the cognitive thoughts involving their relationship into something bad?” She suggests. 

“How?” 

“Um, brainwashing methods aren't that hard. We just need to make him think that his relationship with Natalia is a bad one. Change the thoughts that concern her into bad thoughts and it shoul- will hold.” Doctor Wednesday knows she should feel bad for this – messing with the lives of normal everyday children but her life, her family, is too important to her for her to decide not to. “If given enough time – anywhere between two to three weeks – I should be able to change his thoughts.” 

Ms. Red looks thoughtful before she nods, “You will receive that time. They will fight in three weeks time after he comes back from this mission early.” 

Doctor Wednesday nods herself before turning to her work, she needs this to work, she cannot go back to be her old self, working privately for different men who grabbed at her. She can't go back to that life, not when she has twins to deal with... – 

“Oh, and Doctor, if this doesn't work and they remember each other, you will not go back to being Doctor Irina Petravoch, we will just kill you.” Ms. Red adds just as she leaves the room. 

… and death is not an option. 

“I am so sorry.” She says to Clint, who looks at her with fear in his eyes. “If I knew what I was getting into when I first started I never would've said yes. I would've worked harder and harder to get better patients but... I can't turn back time. I can't change what's happened.” 

I can make sure that you kill them all before they kill me, she thought, just please don't fail. 

Doctor Wednesday inserts the needle she's held onto for a minute into the delicate skin of the elbow crook before apologising one more time and pushing on the plunger. The blue liquid makes it's way through the veins of the 16 year old, burning the working serum that the doctor had inserted into his body more than 9 months ago. It bleeds into his heart, the beating sending it everywhere, including straight to his brain so when the pictures begin, Clint can't resist the treatment. 

~*~ 

They usher her into the main training room after dinner, she still hadn't seen Clint, despite the fact that he apparently came back early. No one said anything to her, not even when she asked about what was going on. In fact that last words she had heard was when she was being ushered from the cafeteria and they weren't even directed towards her. 

“Lead them down to the next town over.” She had heard Ms. Red say, talking to a security guard.

“What am I doing?” She mutters to herself as she stands stock still in the empty room. 

“Natalia.” A voice begins over the speaker, “Your opponent will be arriving shortly.” 

Natasha nods once. 

“You two will fight to the death. If you cannot kill Operative Hawk, we will kill both of you.” 

Another nod. 

“Do you understand Natasha Romanov?” 

Okay, that got her to look up from the floor. “What?” She questions without meaning to. 

“Is that not your name?” The voice taunts. “Natasha Romanov, the Black Widow.” 

“I am Natalia Romanova, the Red Room's Black Widow.” She lies with the ease she doesn't feel. Natasha has never told anyone but Clint that name that she calls herself in the dark. It is her secret, the one thing that she remembers from childhood, the thing she reminds herself every night. 

Her mother was Natasha Romanova. Not her. 

Her father was Alexei Romanov. Which also wasn't her. 

She is Natasha Romanov, which is a little of each other them. 

But they are nothing that the Red Room knows, so how they came across the name that Natasha secretly calls herself is surprising and it throws her off of her game a little. Not enough that she doesn't hear the door behind her open and not enough that she can't tell that throwing her off her game is what they want. Though, for what, she's yet to figure out. 

“Anyway, little Natasha, have fun and remember, the Red Room knows you best.” 

“I do not...” She doesn't have time to finish her sentence as she is pushed forward by the person who walked in. Turning quickly, Natasha readies herself for a fight, until she sees the sight of Clint. “Clint!” She yells as he looks at her with dead eyes. 

He doesn't respond to her, just blinks once before rushing forward to attack her in a flurry of fists and legs. Natasha defends herself to the best of her abilities but it's hard, he's fighting her with the same way with similar moves. His hands barely manage to not hit her, and Natasha thanks her quick reflects on that before she's moving farther away from him. “Clint? Stop!” She urges dodging another fist. 

Clint doesn't hear her, or if he does, he doesn't react as if he does, all he does is brings his fists up to his face and punches forward. She ducks down and sweeps his feet out from underneath him before she begins speaking again, “It's me, Natasha.” 

“Black Widow, rogue agent of the Red Room. Betrayer.” He says, speaking for the first time since this whole thing began. 

Natasha feels like she's been punched in the stomach as she watches him get up from the ground. “I am not a rogue agent!” She yells. “I am Natasha, we are friends!” 

Clint scoffs at her, “We are not friends.” 

“Yes we are.” Natasha says, her voice soft and broken. All the hope that she had slowly left her as she registers what Clint says. 

But he doesn't speak again, not as he charges forward towards her, hellbent on killing her and Natasha, for all her bravado of being the best, does nothing to fight back. He hits her; once, twice, three times before he kicks her down to the ground. Natasha stares at him, eyes shining with tears and she thinks she's gotten through to him when he disappears from her sights but he comes back with a vengeance.. and a weapon. Gun in hand, he faces her down and she stares down the barrel of a gun she normally would be holding. Clint holding onto it looks wrong, he shouldn't have his hand on a gun, instead it should be wrapped around a.. a.. a what? 

“A bow.” she whispers, mouth opening a little. 

As if she was renewed with life, Natasha flips over, catching Clint by the neck with her legs and flipping him. She jumps up onto her feet, and runs over to the weapons cache. If she can just find it.. find the weapon for Clint then everything will be alright. At least, that's what she hopes. 

She also hopes that if she can give him his weapon back, she'll be able to give him back the memories he's forgotten and they can go back to something better. 

~*~ 

Clint forces down bile as they hold force more drugs into his system. They keep trying to make him believe these lies about Natasha but he won't. He's too dumb to brainwash. Clint looks over to his left, to the still body beside him on the table. It's another failed mistake for the Red Room and he can't breathe as the the drug in his system forces him to black out again. He's never going to be able to get free if they keep knocking him out. 

~*~ 

Natasha doesn't cry out when she hits the ground at a speed too dangerous for normal people, she doesn't cry out when she hits a wall or when they bring in the Winter Soldier to help kill her. She only cries out when she learns that neither Clint and her are supposed to make it out today and everything is a lie. She knew that those who trained her lied to her more often than they should've – secret program or not, there is a limit to how much she'll take with the lying – and now she's angry. 

Not to say she hasn't been angry for a while, just that she's even more angry. 

She had enough. But... 

Natasha's body is at her limit, forcing herself to keep going. She's checked every where in the room and she's not been able to find a bow anywhere, which makes no sense, given that that is Clint's best weapon – but not Operative Hawk's, her mind reminds her. Her mind also reminds her that she's scared and she doesn't want to be there anymore. 

She's got to find some way to break him out of this spell – or brainwashing – or anything you want to call it! Because this is not Clint, this is not the boy she knows. 

“Come out come out wherever you are...” Clint's voice sings, calling out to her in the empty darkness that is the complex. She's jittery, all her best moves have done nothing but take him down long enough for her to make a run for it. And that's all she's been able to do, run. She's the infamous Black Widow and the place that made her has learned her deepest secret: 

she can't kill the boy in front of her because he is her friend. 

That's how they plan to kill her, by using her love for him. 

~*~ 

Fury storms the building, Hill and Coulson and a dozen other good men behind him. Today's the day that they will bring down both the Red Room and the new Bonnie and Clyde – as he's taken to calling them. There is no escape, they've got men surrounding the building like crazy. No one but them in and no one but them out, he's got security measures in place for this. 

Hill takes the left hallway, taking three men with her; Coulson takes the right hallway, taking four men with him; leaving Fury with three men and the central hallway. 

Which was too quiet. Way too quiet. 

And he mentions it too Coulson, who along with Hill, agrees with him and while they're looking around they find the answer to his unasked question. Everyone is fucking gone. No child, adult or anything has been left behind. Why? Well, hell if he knows all he knows is it's a failed – 

He raises his gun as he sees a red headed girl standing over a boy. The girl looks towards him, terrified look in her eyes before she raises her own gun. His men ask, “Anything sir?” and he hesitates. 

He goddamn hesitates. “Nothing.” He answers, “Go back to the main area. I'll be following shortly.” He lies to his men, the men that has put their lives into his hands and he's lied to them. For what reason, he doesn't know. 

“Who are you?” He asks the girl, placing the comm link on mute. She looks at him with cold eyes and Fury pats down the urge to hit her with a bullet. He's not one for killing little kids but the way that girl is looking at him, she's no longer a kid in his eyes. She's a murderer and she's looking for a kill. 

“Natasha.” She answers quickly before looking down at her fallen victim, “He's Clint.” As if the poor boy is still alive. 

“Are you going to come along quietly?” He questions, not really up to fighting with a little – wait a goddamn moment. “Natasha? As in the Black Widow?” 

She tenses and Nick knows he's gotten it right. He now double takes at the boy on the floor, “He's Hawkeye.” It's not a question but a statement and he notices how her stance is even more deadly. 

“I will not let you take him!” She growls. 

Who knew there was honour amoungst murderers? 

Well, Nick did but who knew that the goddamn murderers in question were children? Definitely not him. If he did... well, he doesn't know what he would do but it wouldn't be to have a kill on sight order for them. 

“I'm not trying to take him.” He lies but this time it's because it's becoming the truth, he doesn't want to take the kids – neither alive or dead – he just wants them out of his hair. “How old are you?” He asks, frowning. 

“It does not matter when you are trying to kill me.” She whispers, “I know who you are, you are a Shield agent.” 

“Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement Logistic --” 

“Shield.” Natasha says harshly, “We do not care what you call yourself.” 

“We?” He motions to the boy – Clint aka Hawkeye, “Him included.” 

“Yes.” 

“What happened to him?” 

Growling Natasha answers, “It's none of your business!” 

“Did you do--” 

“I would never harm my partner!” She roars, marching towards him. Nick doesn't move as the girl stops to stand in front of him, in a show of pride, strenght and courage that he hasn't seen since well ever. “I would never harm Clint! This is not my fault.” She faulters on the last part, as if she doesn't fully believe it. 

“Then why are you so scared.” 

She stares at him, impassively and Nick waits. He's not going to give her the stare down she wants, he's not even going to really look at her. He's going to look straight ahead, to the boy knocked out on the floor until she answers him. Until he gets some damn answers. 

Her lip quivers in the quickest motion he's ever seen and Nick has seen some quick people and then she's pushing back all the emotions that he's seen before saying, “He's been injured because of me.” 

Ahh, well that answer a lot of things. “The Red Room came for you and got him too, didn't they?” Again, not really a question, “And so they thought they could pit each of you against each other. Well that seemed like a dumb move on their behalf.” 

“Director Fury, come in.” Coulson's voice calls over the muted comm, and Nick curses the loyalty of his men. 

He looks back towards the girl, who has since left the space in front of him and is now cradling her fallen partner. “Go.” He orders, and when she looks up in shock, he repeats it, “Go now. Before the rest of my team comes.” 

Natasha grabs her partner, holsting him up, when she whispers to him, “Thank you.” 

“You can thank me by never crossing my goddamn path again. I don't want to see your faces.” He answers before pausing to think, “Actually, on second thought, thank me by doing me a favour in a few years.” 

He doesn't get an answer because she's already down the hallway and turning to leave through some secret passage that he's never even thought of. Fury unmutes the comm, “This is Fury. Come in.” 

“Where were you sir?” Hill asks. 

He sighs, “I was thinking about this fuck up of a mission and how it's wasting all our time.” 

“We can hardly say the Black Widow and Hawkeye are a waste of our time.” 

“Fall back.” He says abruptly, “We won't be seeing either of them here and it's time to rethink our bases.” 

“Sir.” 

“Until we've got all the correct information I am not wasting more man hours and men on this shadow hunt. We will fall back, we will go back to headquarters and we will think about our next move.” 

Hill clears her throat but it's Coulson that asks, “And that is?” 

“Well, it's proven we can't beat them, so then let's try recuriting them.” 

~*~ 

Clint tries to fight against the pulling feeling in his head, but there's something – someone stronger inside that's making him lose his fight. He fights with all his might though, pushing against the restraints because he can hear Natasha calling him, begging him (which the proud girl doesn't do) to come back and he doesn't understand because he's not gone anywhere. They were kidnapped and she is right beside him in the bed. 

He just can't see her because of something the Red Room did. 

Clint screams in pain again, the feeling of the restraints tearing into his skin and he yells and curses as the bites cause blood to ride down his wrists, this isn't fair! They've not done anything to this place! Natasha left and she was going to return after she'd avenge this place! Why didn't they understand that! 

“Tasha!!” He screams, “I'm coming!” He can hear her and she's scared and he doesn't understand why he can't get up! Damn this place! 

“Clint!” Natasha yells for him again, “Please stop!” 

Stop what? He thinks, what am I doing? 

“It hurts!” 

He feels claw marks at his skin but.. but that can't be real, it's all a dream, it's all fake. Nothing's real in this place. Everything the Red Room does is not real. It's all fake. Even the hard hit on his head, it's not real. 

He repeats that like he has for the past nine months, it's all fake, it's not real. Mainly, because it can't be real, it can't. Every image that's been filtered through his mind, ever fight he's been in, everything he's been forced to do is not real. Not one bit. 

Or so he keeps telling himself, and he'll keep telling himself the same thing, over and over again until he's forced himself to believe it. Until it becomes the truth for him. 

And so he let's the darkness take a hold of him, ignoring everything inside of him that's screaming alerts, ignoring the sound of Natasha's voice screaming for him to wake up, ignoring everything but the truth. 

It's not real. So he doesn't have to wake up. 

{The End}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that's it for part 2 of my (currently) 12 part series. Upcoming stories are: 
> 
> Title: talking to angels, watching the stars  
> Rating: T   
> Warnings: Violence,   
> Summary: They head to Budapest for two reasons; 1) a mission popped up, 2) to see if they can fix what's wrong with their relationship.
> 
> and 
> 
> Title: rid all the monsters in your head, put all your faults to bed   
> Rating: T  
> Summary: It's Natasha's birthday, and Clint wants to share something with her. It's the beginning of fixing what broke.


End file.
